Formal Self-Introduction Email
Subject: Introduction to Mohamad Haziq
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself. I am Haziq, a student from the Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (SIE) programme taking part in your 'Effective Communication' class.
I attained a Diploma in Engineering Systems from Singapore Polytechnic where the curriculum advocated for its students to experiment beyond the classroom. This was suitable for me considering I have always had an interest in tinkering. For my personal projects, I have refurbished an old laptop screen into a monitor and modified my room fan to be remote-controlled.
A distinct trait I possess is the willingness to forge ahead towards a positive outcome. When I was serving the Army, I was convinced that there was a better way to complete my work. I put my mind to it and taught myself outside of working hours on how to automate generating and monitoring data. I take pride in knowing that I played a part in enhancing a person's interaction with whatever I worked on. This was especially evident when I was awarded the Service Excellence Award as I slashed my department's monthly processes by 40 man-hours and alleviated my team's workload.
One of my communication strengths is the ability to adapt my presentation relative to the audience. My previous role as an Environmental Activist and an Academic Outreach Ambassador required me to interact with all kinds of people like ministers, industry experts, prospect students and the community. This allowed me to recognise that a one-size-fits-all approach is unappealing.
My main weakness is the tendency to stumble over my words. This is a result of my thoughts developing faster than I can speak. I personally worry that this habit might diminish my credibility in a professional setting, having witnessed how poorly explained thoughts prove counter-productive in a project.
I hope that through this module, I am able to enhance my ability to articulate my thoughts clearly and write with precision, both technically and linguistically. I am happy to share more during class and look forward to receiving your counsel throughout the trimester.
Best Regards,
Mohamad Haziq
SIE Student | Communications Class T5
Singapore Institute of Technology
Change Log
- 270921 Amended grammar and added examples according to Prof's comments dated 270921
At a glance this looks interesting, Haziq. I'll give comments once your blogging buddies have done so.
ReplyDeleteHi Haziq, this was such an intriguing read. As a reader, your letter captivated me right from the start ,particularly when you briefly talked about your personal projects. The vocabulary used is quite flawless and the flow is coherent as well. In terms of content, you were able to use unconventional direct sentence starters which worked out well in this letter. I personally feel that this is quite a well-written letter with zero imperfections.
ReplyDeleteGood Day Din,
DeleteThank you for your kind words. It is nice to know that there are people who find my personal projects interesting as I do take pride in them.
I appreciate that you took the time to read my self-introduction and comment!
Best wishes,
Haziq
Hi Haziq,
ReplyDeleteI found your writing to be clear and precise. Your vocabulary was also well chosen to provide a better understanding. There was also a nice flow to the writing.Each points that you made in each paragraphs was well explained even with the limitations of just 150 words. I would rate this as one of the best writing among the class. A key takeaway for me would be this article which would serve as an example for future writings.
Thanks for opening up, it was a good read.
Good Day Syazwan,
DeleteThank you for your kind words. However, I do feel that there is still much left for me to learn and practice from the vast knowledge of language and communication.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my self-introduction!
Best wishes,
Haziq
Hi Haziq (Bunsen),
ReplyDeleteYour email is outstanding, I can read it through without squinting or thinking hard on the things that you are trying to tell us. Your use of words is something I can learn from you and is interesting to see how you would write if there is no word limitations.
I enjoy reading and getting to know more about you and I hope that we will achieve our goals together by the end of this module.
Thank you and best regards,
Bari
Good Day Bari,
DeleteI appreciate that you found it easy to comprehend my words.
As a matter of fact, I believe that the word limit was what forced me to adjust my word choices without diluting the message I wanted to get across!
I too look forward to actively collaborating with you in the classroom.
Best wishes,
Haziq
ReplyDeleteDear Haziq,
Thank you for sharing this fascinating reflection. It seems both personal and professional as you recount your 'interest in tinkering', your army experience and your role as an environmental activist and an academic outreach ambassador. My only suggestion would be that you could potenially enhance this letter by clarifying these areas with more concrete detail. Answering a few questions could spawn such illustrations. For instance, what sort of satisfaction did the products of your tinkering give you and your family? What did your superiors in the army say about your work? How were your roles in the poly recognized by others? Ultimately, what were the outcomes of such experiences?
You do share in some depth about your communication experiences, and that adds to the story-telling quality of this letter.
Finally, we can see that you have clear goals for the module, and I hope we can address those as the module moves forward.
In this post there are a few issues to take note of:
1. verb use
-- My personal projects include refurbishing an old laptop screen into a monitor and modifying my room lights and fan to be remote-controlled. > (tense issue: past or pressent?)
2. lack of clarity
-- When I was serving the Army, I was convinced that there was a better way to complete my work. I put my mind to it and taught myself outside of working hours on how to automate the tasks. Ultimately, I reduced my department's monthly workload by 40 man-hours.
> (which tasks? Without knowing that, we readers can be lost here.)
-- From ministers and industry experts to prospect students and their parents, I recognise that a one-size-fits-all approach is unappealing.> (The prepositional phrase that starts this sentence does not actually modify the word "I". So what does it modify? It should be in closer proximity to that word.)
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteI'm glad to hear that you found my email fascinating.
I have amended my post to reflect your observations by clarifying some points and rectifying the grammar.
Thank you!
Best wishes,
Haziq
Cheers, Haziq.
Delete